Economic Crisis

The economic crisis has been a trying and stressful time for me. I did get to go camping at Shawnee State Park during part of it, and that was a blessing for me. But it has been one of the worst things I've gone through in years. I was extremely stressed out in the winter of 2006. In fact, I've been stressed out for quite a few years now. But this is worse in some ways than the winter of 2006. I gained a lot of weight in the winter of 2006 over stress. This time, I've started to revert to compulsive walking, which is pre-anorexic. I don't think there's any chance I'll go back to full-blown anorexia nervosa, but I think given the time of year and my current circumstances, I'm going to use compulsive walking a lot as a coping mechanism. In winter of 2006, it was the middle of the winter, so that was less available. Compulsive walking is definitely different than my regular walking and jogging routines. When I was working at CCAC, every weekend during the good weather, I would drive to Laurel Summit and take a long hike. This was a healthy way of getting away, getting exercise, and losing weight. I still went for hikes this past summer and I went a number of different places to jog--outdoors and using a treadmill at the YMCA. In compulsive walking, I tend to go to places nearby and walk for too long till my feet heart. It's a bit more pathological and is closer to resorting to an addiction in order to cope. It's fall and nice weather and my classes are easy this semester, so there's nothing really stopping me.

I think the uncertainty is what upsets me the most. I had a plan where I would work part-time and go to school for many years. I was going to get a masters in exercise phys then eventually study to be a psychologist. This plan was so that I could have a profession I could still practice until I was very elderly. Now I just don't know if I'll be able to afford to do this, so I just don't know what to do. Things change daily. You just don't know what's going to go down next. For example--and this is just a small part of it--my bank where I have my checking and savings account. I don't have a lot of money in it, but it was mentioned all day yesterday on CNBC, along with Wachovia, as the main large bank in trouble. They were totally silent about it on the local news. They were probably trying to prevent a run on it. WAMU was taken over in the middle of the night, closed down, and sold. Every morning I wonder if my bank will still be there or if I'll turn on the news and the FDIC has seized it.

Each day, I try somehow to alter my plans to cope, and then another thing hits. I was going to consider going to massage school in order to have something to do for money while I went to grad school. Then things collapsed more, and I thought that doing massage probably wasn't a very stable thing in this economy. One of the main things I have felt adamant about is not going back to secretarial work. However, things have gotten so bad that soon that option won't even be there. The job situation is going to get so bad that it's unlikely there will even be any secretarial jobs. Another thing I started to consider was a program at CCAC where I could quickly train to work in drug and alcohol rehab. I would only need 5 courses, because I've just taken Psych 101. I'm considering doing that program so I could work at that while pursuing grad school. That seems to be a good thing to do for someone who would eventually be a psychologist.

But things change day by day and seem to get worse. I really don't know who to blame, it's gotten so complex. I don't know the solution. I don't know if this bailout or rescue will work. It's very hard to plan how to deal with this long-term. What does a middle-aged person do who's trying to acquire a second career?