June 28

Well, despite being threatened physically, legally, and emotionally and being yelled at with insults all day yesterday, despite having doors slammed, etc., I managed to get my school work caught up.

At this point, I think my partner really needs to be in the VA psych ward. I'm not sure how it got to this point, but part of it was probably just more pressure than she could deal with. She applied for a job she might get, she had clashes with other students at school (U of Phoenix), and she had these issues with the tribe.

I think the tribe is really what has pushed her over. I feel very angry at this organization for the way they handled things. When she joined, it seemed they supported her. She had some really bad experiences with some of the guys, but they seemed to stand up for her. The problem was that the price for all of this was too high. They also handled her situation in a very insensitive and what I would consider stupid and counterproductive manner. I'm not sure whether the real issue is just that certain people in the organization want absolute power no matter what the consequences are, but that's a possible explanation.

When she joined this tribe, I feel they made way too many demands on her. They knew she did not have much money. They demanded so many long trips to various locations, and she didn't have the gas money for this. She started spending her financial aid money on gas. Another really stupid, bad thing they did was to try to turn her against me, for some reason. This is what makes me think possibly this is a cult. One reason she was able to spend so much time with them was because of me. I kept the house going, I let her use vehicles, I kept her dog so she could spend lots of time with them. I leant things--such as lending vehicles to help people move, to get people to the hospital, etc. I leant a nice gazebo which was used during one of the events. However, they continued to have meetings about me making all kinds of goofy frivolous charges against me. I just found this out, incidentally. Even with all the demands they made on her, if they had just been a little nicer to me and kept their mouth shut about me, I think maybe she could have participated without it really driving her to the point where now she needs help and needs to be an inpatient somewhere.

There is one particular woman who caused most of the problem. This woman has alienated her own daughter, so it's not surprising she's destroyed my family. This woman for some reason just has to control everyone she can control. She is married, she has a son and daughter-in-law who still speak to her, and she does have a devoted clique. So why she has to control and monopolize everyone she can is beyond me. But it was clear from the beginning that she had to have more time and devotion from my partner than I was permitted to have. This woman will let my partner crash on the floor maybe for one night. But she has no means to support my partner, give her a nice home to stay in, take in her pets, allow her to plug in her computer and do her school work. Also, by destroying our relationship, now my partner is allegedly going to leave with four cats and a dog. I loved the dog and the four cats. My ten remaining cats loved my partner and will no longer have her.

This all seems to make no sense. That's why I don't think it is about anything sensible. It's not about accepting a new tribe member who has a lot to offer. It's about one person's need (and possibly some other people are like this too) but particularly one person's need to control everyone she can control even if it destroys them.

Latest News

I have quite unfortunately had trouble with a group which is part of the Cherokee Nation which has chosen to attempt to destroy my family. So far they have been largely successful. It is very hard to understand their behavior and their attitude toward me. I am not a member of their group but have done them many favors without any self-interest involved. I have leant them vehicles and an expensive gazebo for one of their events. I even leant them a truck to help their chief move. I've given vegetables to one of their members and even planted more for her. I have kept one of their member's dogs during events and helped one of their members participate, without ever demanding to be included--although I would have liked maybe some appreciation or interaction with them. The person I know in their tribe is/was my partner. I do not understand why this group has attacked me when my partner was able to provide things for them through my own resources, which are now no longer available to them based on their treatment of me and my family. I never did anything to destroy their families. In fact, I did things to help their families such as providing rides to their members and grandchildren to the hospital. I provided transportation to them over the illness of an elderly member also. One of their elders caused a split in my relationship over agreeing to visit our house and then pulling a huge scene about not feeling welcome and then threatening me. I learned that numerous tribal council meetings had been held to level various frivolous charges against me. In addition, apparently emails I never wrote have been fabricated to look like I sent them and there is a whole notebook of emails falsely attributed to me. This tribe knew my partner and I had 14 cats and a dog. I will lose a partner of 4 years and my cats will lose someone they loved who cared for them. I will lose a dog and 4 cats. My partner will lose a lovely house and yard, a car, and a lot in the mountains. She did not have to pay rent here and now most of her funds will go to rent and utilities, and she will have trouble paying back her student loans. My neighbors will sorely miss my partner who did wonderful landscaping here.

All of this is so hard to understand. Is it about jealousy, power? Or is the person who did this just crazy? Why did these people have to split my family up? My partner was able to help them more by being with me, not away from me. Now she will not have a truck or car to help them and take them places. She will not have a gazebo to lend them. She will have less opportunity to volunteer for them because she will have no one to watch her dog or take care of her home while she's gone. I am very disappointed in this group and do not understand this at all.

February 2009 Update

I don't like winter, so I am just trying to ride it out until it warms up. Today looks like it may reach into the high 30's, so I can take a walk. However, it's supposed to snow again tomorrow. I think Wednesday will begin an acceptable warm-up. I am taking two psychology courses which are both very interesting, and I have a lot of studying to do for them. I am supposed to be starting math tutoring so that I can take a placement test and eventually take Intermediate Algebra and statistics (FUN!) I have been doing the Ornish program and was going to try to do the Pittsburgh Marathon on May 3 but am not sure I will be able to. I'll see how it goes when it warms up and I'm able to get out walking. I also am still thinking of testing soon for an ACE personal trainer certificate, but have not definitively decided on that one yet. Next project would be to find a job. After I get the math courses out of the way, I can apply to grad school to get my masters.

Obama Wins!!!!!!

I was sick with a migraine most of the day but did get myself down to vote. We celebrated Obama's win with a bonfire. I had found a great big log for it at a local park. I also played my drum and rattled some rattles--one I had bought and one that Kimberly made from a gourd. I am very happy about the victory because I feel that FINALLY people like me have triumphed after 40 years! Of course, we owe this to a whole lot of people who weren't even born 40 years ago when we started to challenge the "establishment." I didn't really feel that Bill Clinton was that different or able at that time to really take us in a new direction. For one thing, Bill Clinton WAS our first Native American president, but he wasn't able to admit that publicly. But Barak Obama couldn't hide who he was and he won anyway! I really think things are going to change now. Also, the world is going to respect us so much more now that we've proven we aren't a bunch of racists who would vote down a black person, a person who's father was from Kenya, a person with an African name. I think our image will be so much better in the world now. This is important to me, because I am fluent in French, and I speak Spanish, Russian, and some Italian and Portuguese, and because I love to travel to Canada and particularly Quebec so much. I really have renewed hope for myself. It was almost worth suffering through eight years of Bush to have a president like Obama. This has moved our country ahead light years. I'm going to have the best birthday I've ever had. I will be 56 on January 20. It is going to be a great honor to have my birthday the same day Barack Obama is inaugurated. I really have a lot more courage and energy to go to grad school now, whatever I choose to study. I want to have a job where I can help people and it helps to know there is a president who is like that and who gives our country hope. Up till now, it seems like everything is about picking up the pieces of a country in decline, but I really think there is hope for our country now, and this inspires me in my own life and with my own ambitions.

The Election

It looks good for Obama. If McCain wins, somehow I'll survive. I've survived this long. I survived Reagan and Bush. The old guard is on its way out, one way or another. You can still change things, no matter who's in the White House. You change things by continuing to live the way you believe. You change things by being a vegetarian for decades, by living peace, by not letting one political party own Jesus, by refusing to conform to the norms that are pushed down your throat and make you gag, even when it costs you. You make change by living diversity. Sarah Palin would not be running if we had conformed. Obama would not be running if we had conformed. Four white older guys would be running. McCain, Biden, and two other white older guys of that generation would be running. Even though they say Sarah Palin is very conservative, you don't know who she really is as long as she's under McCain's thumb. Already, she doesn't strike me as someone who would force her views on abortion on everyone. She told Katie Couric one of her best friends is a lesbian. She isn't trying to change her best friend or reject her. No one can survive for good in this country by not changing. Obama will probably win big because Bush cheated twice, got in for eight years, and he and his followers forced their views on us and ruined the country. Now there's a huge backlash against him. But if McCain wins, there will be an even bigger backlash in four years. It's been a long time since the 60's when we dreamed things would change so fast. But things will change. This old guard, this establishment, they are on their way out. Even younger people like Sarah Palin who sympathize with them will have to change--and have changed--if they want to be elected to office.

The Election

Those of us who were hippies in the late 60's were very naive. We did not know how much of a backlash there would be against us and how long it would last. We have suffered most of our lives and been held back by the backlash. We have waited year after year, decade after decade. Yes, we have SIGNIFICANTLY chipped away at the world we protested. The election results on Tuesday will tell us if we have finally triumphed over the decades of backlash against us. If McCain wins, we will have four more years to wait and to continue to chip away at the backlash. If Obama wins, we will be above 50% there. We will have STARTED the process of triumphing over the persistent and cruel backlash. Make no mistake, we WILL triumph over the backlash. Will it be now, will it be four more year, eight more years? Let's hope our time has finally come, but if is hasn't, IT WILL!!!!

The Daily Gouge

Just before the economic crisis really hit with a bang, I had noticed the gouging of the middle class getting progressively worse. I knew this couldn't continue, and somehow it had to stop. It was all going to blow, because they couldn't continue to make us pay and pay and pay and never give us any raises or job opportunities. So I'm going to start listing some of the ways I was gouged and my response.

Okay, I'm going to start with Hodgson Mill Buckwheat Pancake Mix. One day a month or two ago, I was out shopping and noticed that Giant Eagle was out of Hodgson Mill Buckwheat Pancake Mix. I bought my usual groceries and decided to go to Shop 'n Save for items I didn't find at Giant Eagle. While at Shop 'n Save I noticed Hodgson Mill Buckwheat Pancake Mix now cost close to $5.00. NO WAY was I going to spend that for a box of pancake mix! Well, the next time I was at Giant Eagle, they had received another shipment of the mix. They had priced it at $2.74. Well, that was a good deal, but I knew it wouldn't last. So I bought a box of it and was using it until it went up to $4.74! I just got angry and said, screw it, I'll buy some buckwheat flour in bulk and make my own buckwheat pancakes from scratch! Well, I went to the food coop for my monthly shopping trip and stocked up on buckwheat flour. I made a supply of frozen buckwheat 13-grain with flax seed pancakes from scratch, and they weren't that bad. A couple days later, I went to Wal-Mart, and they still have the Hodgson Mill mix for $2.72.

The moral of the story: Hodgson Mill has now lost a customer because of the gougers. If the gougers had kept the mix at a reasonable price, I never would have gone to the food coop and bought buckwheat flour in bulk. However, the gougers have forced me into it, and now I'll just permanently change my lifestyle and make my buckwheat pancakes from scratch!